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Moving On From My Boss, The Addict

 

He was a local celebrity and quite famous in his own right. I was more than flattered when he chose me to be part of this new company he had just opened. From being complete strangers, he became my boss and we eventually became close friends — at least that’s what I thought we were. It was a great working relationship and the company was doing really well. I thought that this might just be the new beginning I was waiting for. I was looking forward to becoming a business partner and be rewarded financially too. I had nothing, but high hopes and big dreams. The company had huge potential and it was growing in triple speed.

I still had a full time job and this company with him was just a “sideline”. He had plenty of other projects too. He had a stable job in a radio station as a DJ and had numerous other gigs in the events and party scene. A year and a half went by and things started to become different.

He began frequently missing work at the station until he “resigned”. He seemed to be having fewer gigs as a host and club DJ. He said that he wanted to focus on our company instead and that it was his choice to quit these other jobs. I knew something was wrong.

Rumors went around that he was a heavy drug user. I confronted him about it and he said he tried methamphetamine twice and never again. He did admit that he was selling drugs because he didn’t have enough gigs to sustain his lifestyle. I know I couldn’t just tell him to stop. Things this deep aren’t that simple. People don’t change overnight. I made him promise me that he wouldn’t use again and that if he had to sell, once he had made enough money, he had to stop right away – I was hoping that would come soon. He laughed and just said he knew what he was doing and that he “didn’t have to get high on his own supply.” I was wrong to believe him.

Things got worse in a matter of weeks. Hallucinations, depression, paranoia, and he wouldn’t eat. I remember us spending an entire day of meeting about the company and coming up with nothing. At this point, I had quit my other full time job, so I was worried. I believed in him when he said we’ll make things work and we’ll get paid. I was beginning to lose my savings so I told him I would have to quit the company. I had kids to feed.

I actually had to quit twice because he wouldn’t let me go the first time. The second time, I spoke to his brother and told him about what was going on and how I could no longer handle being his go-to person. I genuinely cared for him and I wanted him to get better but I had my own priorities. I have kids and I can’t get involved in this. He wasn’t just using. He was selling. The same day I spoke to his brother, he was brought into rehab.

He was high when he was brought to rehab so he didn’t really know where he was going. He probably realized it only when he was already there. He was supposed to be confined in rehab for seven months but he somehow got out in three. I can’t really say if he fully recovered. I guess I was expecting everything to be different when he got out.

Though he looks physically better and seems to be recovering very well, he’s back in the party scene. In my opinion, in order for him to fully recover, he needs to stay away from the people and the things that led him to his addiction.

He still has hopes of bringing back our company together, but for now, as much as it hurts me to say no, I have to stick to my priorities. I truly cared for him not only as a boss, but as a friend too. I can only do so much because at the end of the day, he still makes his own decisions. It is hard to think about trusting him again after everything but I know that I have to be more understanding.

When I see his posts on social media about getting drunk or partying all night, I still cringe. I know that he probably doesn’t care about how I feel and most likely, he’s not even aware of how greatly his addiction affected me. It hurt. We had everything planned out for the next few years. We did fantastic things together. We hung out with Grammy-award winning artists, brought international stars to perform live on our own stage, and we even had our own radio show! We were going places.

I must say though that I am not angry at him. No forgiveness is necessary because there’s no anger in my heart. I just don’t know if or when I can bring back the same care and concern I had for him before. I don’t want to be that friend who’s only there during the good times, so I know that it’s wrong to say I’ll be around when things get better for him. It’s really hard for me because I feel guilty for being selfish, but at the same time, I feel like I’m being reasonable and setting healthy boundaries so that I can be happy. For now, I will just move on with my life and pray for him that he truly recovers. Only time will tell what happens next.

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